Our parents can help us cope with the loss of our dream of absolute love. We want- of course we want. Because separation makes us feel less needed, less important. Becoming stuck in obsessive grief leads to illness.
But it is how we perceive our limits that determines if our anatomy is our destiny. But even the loftiest schemes for our children's happiness and well-being may be less than ideal from our children's point of view.
And ironically, two partners locked in a pathological marriage may stick together neurotically ever after, while wholer and healthier couples who are able to change and grow may rupture the arrangements that hold them together. We can, however, learn- if all goes well- that there is sufficient love to go around And while Freud has tried to explain this compulsion as part of a dubious concept called the death instinct, it can also be understood as our hopeless effort to undo- rewrite- the past.
And if helpless defeat or angry defiance remains the hallmark of the son-father relationship, defeat or defiance may color every subsequent relationship to authority. But whenever essential needs unmesh, there is risk. For consciously and unconsciously, even before they are born, we dream many dreams about what kind of children we want.
For while some young people may openly cling, there are those who, under a show of great independence, nonetheless arrange to never depart.
I suspect that this book will give people interesting insights into their own behavior and their past relationships, as it did for me. The bad news is that no two adults can do each other more damage than husband and wife. They allow us to be ourself- and accept us that way.
She probably doesn't know that she is trying not to go away from mother. A reality built, in part, upon the acceptance of our neccessary losses. I suspect that this book will give people interesting insights into their own behavior and their past relationships, as it did for me.
Whatever solutions we find will be reshaped and elaborated by later experiences. Is there an inborn male or female psychology. All and more are contained within that solitary but always upper-case letter.
College-bound Roger, for instance, snarls through his last few months at home, battling with his parents every day.
But her interest wanes if the man becomes available. The years have gone by, they have gone separate ways, they have little in common now, but they still are an intimate part of each other's past.
The wish to do some kind of completed work. But until we can mourn that past, until we can mourn and let go of that past, we are doomed to repeat it In recent years, however, as more arenas have opened up to allow the two sexes to work and play as equals, friendships between men and women- friendships without an erotic agenda- have increased Going away to college is a time when many shaky selves will falter.
There will be consolations for our agonized but necessary loss. And this absense of awareness can sometimes make our separation problem their problem Angrily and painfully, and with more or less success, we learn to relinquish that wish- to let it go.
She uses the examples of her sister and friends, each of whom chose a different method of dealing with their impending death. Furthermore, our conscious goals are often sabotaged unconsciously.
This interaction occurs not merely in the outside world but in that inner world between his ears. She is saying that if we come to know the nature of our clay, we can impose our destiny on anatomy. This is a condition known to lovers, saints, psychotics, druggies and infants. And long after childhood's end, in other cities and relationships, we may repeat early sibling patterns For if we must be the Smartest, a B-plus from our history teacher is a failure.
For identification can serve us simultaneously as a way to hang on and let go. And, sometimes, for failing us. For our fantasies also traffic in unabashed glory, X-rated sex and bloody murder. NECESSARY LOSSES is enlivened by numerous flashes of the excellent Viorst wit, but it is not a book to be taken lightly or read hurriedly.
It speaks profoundly to the concept of loss and of our lifelong challenge to learn how necessary losses are also linked to the gains that make the struggle worthwhile.
Judith Viorst's "Necessary Losses" is a compendium of philosophies, studies, opinions, poetry, literary excerpts and anecdotes that define her outlook on life, childhood, maturity, grief.
Arguing persuasively that through the loss of our mothers' protection, the loss of the impossible expectations we bring to relationships, the loss of our younger selves, and the loss of our loved ones through separation and death, we gain deeper persepctive, true maturity, and fuller wisdom about life, Judith Viorst has wirtten a life-affirming and life /5(3).
Drawing on psychoanalysis, literature, and personal experience, Necessary Losses is a philosophy for understanding and accepting life's inevitabilities. In this book, Judith Viorst turns her considerable talents to a serious and far-reaching subject: how we grow and change through the losses that are a certain and necessary part of lanos-clan.coms: Aug 18, · Buy a cheap copy of Necessary Losses: The Loves, Illusions, book by Judith Viorst.
The Bestselling Classic on Love, Loss, and Letting Go In Necessary Losses, Judith Viorst turns her considerable talents to a serious and far-reaching subject: how Free shipping over $/5(5). A strong sense of self will help us remain positive in the face of the many physical and psychological losses of old age and to accept life's final loss that is death.
Losing, Viorst concludes, is.Necessay losses judith viorst